


Nightmares, and the People You Share Them With

by dgdreamer



Series: The End is the Beginning [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Comfort, F/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 06:59:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17075570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dgdreamer/pseuds/dgdreamer
Summary: Everyone living in Stark Tower has nightmares. It's one of the consequences in their line of work. Lauren's haven't plagued her in awhile, but one night they do. She usually works through them on her own, but on this night she finds that she doesn't have to. A quiet talk with the former Winter Soldier helps them both see that there's more to them than just the things that keep them up at night.





	Nightmares, and the People You Share Them With

**Author's Note:**

> Greetings! Thank you to everyone who has been reading. It has been very encouraging to see how many people seem to like my mad ramblings. I've been accused lately of living in my head too much... but there are so many stories to be told! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this latest installment. I just couldn't go further without giving everyone a little of the brooding Bucky that we all know and love. I have much more to come, and I promise that things will pick up as we move along. There's a relationship forming, but we needed to take a little rabbit trail here to lay some groundwork. 
> 
> A Christmas fic in this universe is coming. Maybe tonight... if I can stop watching Game of Thrones long enough to get it posted. (I'm a little late to that party, but I'm catching up :-)) 
> 
> Enough of my rambling... on with the show...

Heart pounding and breath coming short, Lauren found herself leaping from her bed before she was fully awake. There were no alarms blaring nor was there any indication that there was a call to assemble, which would have been the normal reasons for her to react this way. When her brain finally caught up with her body, the memories of what catapulted her from sleep came crashing down on her again. The nightmares hadn’t plagued her for a long time, not since just after coming to live in the Tower, so the fear and pain that haunted her sleep tonight took her by surprise.

As she struggled to bring her breathing under control, Lauren glanced at the old fashioned wind-up clock on the bedside table, her single link to the life she had led before SHIELD consumed her existence. She winced at the time. It was far too early to be up and about, but almost too late to think about trying to settle back to sleep by the time she would be able to clear the visions of the past from her mind. Lifting her sweat-drenched hair from her neck and pulling the damp fabric of her shirt away from her body to cool it somewhat, she made her way to the small kitchen in her apartment. Perhaps a cup of tea would help soothe her rattled nerves and let her catch a little more sleep before she faced training with Natasha after breakfast. The Black Widow, in spite of being a good friend, wouldn’t go easy just because she was tired… and being thrown around like a rag doll because she wasn’t at her best hurt…like a lot!

With the kettle on to boil, Lauren reached for the caddy where she kept her favorite night-time tea blend. Pulling it down, she knew it felt a little light. “Damn!” she huffed, discovering it empty. “FRIDAY, please order more tea for me and have it delivered as soon as possible.” She exhaled loudly again as she switched off the burner under the now useless kettle.

“Of course, ma’am, it will arrive this afternoon,” the AI assured her. “If I may, ma’am, there is a small supply of that particular blend in the communal kitchen reserved for your use.” FRIDAY added helpfully.

“Thank you,” Lauren sighed sending up a silent blessing to whomever thought to make sure she had an emergency stash. Lauren didn’t really want to stroll through the Tower in her night clothes, but getting dressed at this hour didn’t really sound appealing either. It probably shouldn’t matter, it wasn’t likely that anyone was around. Everyone had gone to bed when she had and it was even too early to worry about running into anyone going out for a morning run and being asked to join them (curse you, Cap and your super serum fueled super early jogs). Besides, shorts and a tank top were basically street clothes among the people she associated with.

Lauren made her way from her apartment toward the  elevators and then to the area shared by everyone living on the Avengers’ floors, relying on FRIDAY to softly light the way through the darkened corridors. She found the tea in the pantry and as she moved toward the stove, she decided to enjoy it in the common room where the panoramic views of the city might soothe her more than her too-quiet apartment ever would. She started the kettle and was reaching for a cup when a voice coming from the darkness of the adjoining room made her spin, preparing to throw it in self-defense.

“Trouble sleepin’, doll?” Bucky’s voice growled from the chair where he sat slumped in the shadows.

“Crap on a cracker, Barnes! Give a girl a heads-up why don’t ya!” Lauren leaned back against the counter, readjusting her grip on the cup and taking a deep breath. “Looks like I’m not the only one, want some tea?”

“Nah,” Bucky held up his coffee cup, “I’m good.” He was quiet for a few minutes until the kettle started to boil. “Don’t usually see you strolling around in the middle of the night. Somthin’ wrong?” He glanced up at her with a look that said her company wasn’t unwelcome.

“Nightmares,” Lauren said simply. “Happens sometimes, you know. Less since I came here, but getting right back to sleep isn’t really an option.” Lauren finished making her tea and moved toward the darkened seating area. “Mind if I join you? Don’t really want to talk much, but don’t really want to be alone either.” She hesitated, smiling thinly as she sensed the tension rolling off her new friend and teammate.

Barnes nodded shortly and Lauren took a seat on the opposite end of the sofa where he sat facing the windows and the city. She quietly sipped her tea, allowing the warm liquid to soothe her as the quiet of the familiar room settled around her. They both slumped in silence for several minutes before his voice drifted toward her again from the darkness.

“Those nightmares must be somethin’, doll, if they can scare you.”

“Yeah, they’re something,” she sighed.

“Monsters under the bed or in the closet?” Lauren could tell he was trying to draw her out, though she couldn’t tell why.

“Something much scarier,” she answered simply. Not wanting to bring things back to the surface by elaborating.

He puffed a short laugh, “Since the first day you walked in here hot on Fury’s heels, I ain’t seen you scared of nothin’. Hell, you made Widow and Barton your drinkin’ buddies, and you treat Hulk like a big green puppy, and you pick fights with Stark for fun.”

Lauren smiled at the thought of playing fetch with Hulk. That might be something they would have to try the next time she got Banner to let the big guy out to play.

When she remained silent, he continued, “Most people be intimidated, but you just strolled right in and took us all in stride… you ain’t even afraid of the Winter Soldier…” his voice trailed off.

Lauren knew then what this conversation was about, and she wasn’t going to let him beat himself up about his past any longer. “I’m scared of a lot of things, Barnes,” Lauren spoke a little more sharply than she intended. Softening her tone she added, “and the first time I walked in here, I was literally shaking in my boots. He didn’t tell me what he planned until we were on the way up. Then, Fury gave me that one-eyed glare of his and threatened to have me reassigned if I blew it on the first day. I decided right then that NONE of you could be as scary as a pissed off Nik Fury. I couldn’t let anyone know I was terrified, he would have been furious.” She finished with a huff at her unintended pun, but hoped it would break the dark mood in the room.

“None of us could tell. You must have gotten over it real quick. I can tell when someone is afraid, and you didn’t seem bothered at all. ‘Course, you already knew most everybody ‘cept Stark and Banner… and me. Those two are easy, once you get over them bein’ twitchy. But me, you talked to me like anyone else, normal, ya know.” He dropped his head again, slumping deeper into the chair.

“Barnes, you are normal, well, as normal as any 100 year-old super-soldier can be anyway. How was I supposed to treat you?” Lauren turned in her seat to look at him. “Most everyone here was suspicious. Can’t say as I blame you. Yeah, Stark was an ass, but when is he not,” she paused to take another sip of tea. “But you, with your old fashioned manners…you shook my hand and gave me that half-smile, even though you didn’t quite trust me yet. I knew right away that were going to get along just fine. I think we understood each other from the start, and I was determined to like you.” Lauren moved to sit on the coffee table directly across from him, almost knee to knee, where she could see him better. He still sat with his head hung down, looking like he wanted to melt into the furniture and not be noticed, his long hair hanging loose over his face.

He glanced up, “But _why_?  You knew about all the stuff I’ve done… I ain’t worth likin’” He trailed off again, as if the question was settled. She had thought so before. This conversation was more about him than it was about her.

“James Buchanan Barnes, the first thing I liked about you was the way you looked me right in the eye and let me know were trying to figure out who I was and why Fury would try to force me into the team. I knew all about what you’d done to bring yourself back, and I respected that. Since then, I’ve come to know how much you want to make things right.” She wanted him to know that she took his issues very seriously, but she also wanted to pull him out of this mood. She switched her focus. “Then, I REALLY started to like YOU when you dropped that dark assassin, super-soldier mask for the first time and really smiled,” she paused to let that sink in and to take a deep breath. She hoped what she said next would break into his shell of self-loathing. “That smile, Barnes… that smile could stop traffic, you know… Bet that’s how you got all the dames back in the day.” Lauren bumped his knee with hers as she said this, grinning at him with an uplifted eyebrow.

Lauren’s attempts seemed lost on the hunched figure, though he did raise his head just enough for is eyes to be seen through the curtain of his hair. He was in one of his blacker moods tonight. She had seen it before, but he usually stalked off to his apartment to brood, returning later somewhat quieter but more himself. Tonight it was just them and she wasn’t going to let that happen. In the darkness she could offer him reassurance rather than solitude.

“You don’t know what all I’ve done. The things HYDRA had me do, that’s stuff that would make you hate me. Matter of fact, you’d be scared to be sittin’ here alone in the dark with me, and you’d be right to feel that way. I don’t deserve anyone carin’ about me anymore.”

“Sweet baby Jesus! You don’t get to decide that, James, we do. Yeah, you’ve done some pretty fucked up shit, I’ve read some of the reports, but you aren’t an awful person. HYDRA used you as a tool, a human weapon that they controlled, an asset. No one can hold you responsible for that.” She decided to take a different approach. “Remember what brought me here? My nightmares? I get them because of the stuff I’ve done, things I did or had other people do, and no one was controlling me when I did them. I chose to do those things, all on my own… does that mean you don’t like or trust me?” She waited for him to respond, but he didn’t. “The fact that you want to take the blame for what you did just makes me admire you that much more. You’re quite a fella, you know.” Lauren moved her hand to rest on his where it lay on the arm of the chair, leaning toward him just slightly with the action. His breath huffed out slightly, stirring his hair where it still covered his face.

“Seems like there ain’t nothin’ about me you don’t like… be careful of that, might give people ideas that you’re sweet on me or somethin’,” Bucky chuckled a bit, moving toward their familiar way of talking to each other.

“Oh, Barnes, there’s plenty about you I don’t like.” Lauren snickered. “I don’t like the way you always hog the love seat on movie night, or your rather irritating habit of leaving the used coffee pod in the machine – please, don’t make me remind you again or you might find a surprise in your cup one day,” she raised an eyebrow in a half-teasing warning. “I don’t like it when you insist on cleaning ALL your weapons on the dining room table. We eat there Barnes and I don’t want to taste gun oil with my Lo Mein. And I REALLY don’t like it when you laugh at me when Nat kicks my ass in training.” Lauren moved her hand toward Bucky’s face, brushing back the loose strands as she leaned closer. “You know what else? I really don’t like your hair, it’s in the way.” The words came out almost as a whisper as she placed a soft kiss on his cheek before getting up. “G’night, James.”

The former Winter Solder couldn’t reply; he just stared after her disappearing form as it was swallowed up in the nighttime shadows.

**Author's Note:**

> So... who among us wouldn't just love to wrap Bucky up in a big hug? Of course, we might want to kiss it all better too ;-) Seriously, that mouth was made for kissing... 
> 
> I am not ashamed!


End file.
